The Dark Queen's Soul
by cynthiamonica
Summary: When Emma was young she was stolen away from her parents by Regina and was raised by her. Regina turned her into a monster that even the darkness itself feared. One day a very unlucky pirate captain crosses paths with her. What happens when blue stormy eyes meet darkened green ones?
1. Chapter 1

"Do you have it?" Regina asked the huntsman as he walking into her chambers.

"It's a her," he huntsman snarled but she ignored him. Regina stood up from where she was seated behind her mirror desk and walked over to him. She looked down at the innocent child in the huntsman's arms. The little girl was merely a month old. She had soft blond hair and bright green eyes that looked up at her curiously.

Regina took the girl from the huntsman and to her surprise it didn't start crying. "You can leave," she ordered the huntsman without giving him a second glance. She was to focussed on her new daughter. She reached up her hand to brush against the soft skin and the little girl grabbed her finger. Regina smiled as she felt all her worries disappear to the background at the little girls touch.

"My little princess," she said to her little girl. "I have great plans for your future."

* * *

"Momma, Momma!" Emma yelled as she ran through the castle halls to Regina's chambers.

"What is it, my little princess?" Regina asked her daughter as she picked her up from the floor, noting that she was only half dressed. A few seconds later a handmaiden entered the chambers, Emma's clothing in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness, the princess slipped out of her chambers the second I turned around," the maiden said and bowed her head.

"Monster!" Emma yelled at the maiden. Regina smiled at her daughter. Emma was a sweet girl and Regina knew that all too well, you couldn't expect anything less from the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. So when Emma turned two Regina gave her a potion that would make her see the worst in people instead of the best. It was the only way for Emma to become dark, she wouldn't do anything bad out of herself.

So now Emma saw the worst in everyone except for Regina, of course. That's why she gave the potion when she was two, to make sure their bond was strong. Regina was the only one that Emma trusted and loved, and Regina wouldn't have it any other way. And now a year after she gave the potion it looked like it was starting to infect her.

"Is she a monster?" Regina asked her princess. Emma nodded repeatedly.

"Yes, do the hand thingy!"

The maiden looked up in horror as Regina walked closer and raised her hand.

"Please, I beg you, I did nothing wrong, plea-" With a twist of her hand she snapped the neck of the maiden. Emma clapped happily.

"Bye, bye, monster," she said and smiled at her mother. "When I'm a big girl you'll teach me the hand thingy, right Momma?"

"Of course, my princess. I'll teach you everything I know and more," she said and walked over to the sofa, sitting down and placing Emma on her lap. "One day, you'll become the most evil queen there will have ever lived and the world will fear you."

"I want to be the evil queen now," Emma whined.

Regina laughed softly. "I know, but your magic isn't strong enough yet, it will grow in time."

"What can I do now?"

"I can teach you how to make object disappear and reappear."

"Dispear repear!" Emma said enthusiastically, bounding up and down on her mother's lap.

Regina laughed. "But first you have to get dressed."

Emma nodded and climbed off of her lap, running to the maidens body and pried her clothing out of her hands before lifting her chin and walking to her room. Regina smiled proudly at her daughter and waved her hand so that she body of the dead maiden was gone.

Everything was going perfectly as planned; Snow and Charming were in great pain because they lost their daughter, Regina had a light in her life that she held dear and Emma was growing up with the most dark soul an innocent child could possess.

* * *

"Mom?" Emma asked while Regina was brushing her long blond curls.

"Yes, dear."

"Why aren't there ant children my age in the castle?"

Regina sighed and put the hair brush down on Emma's desk and pulled a chair to her to sit on. She grabbed her daughters hand and brushed her thumb lightly over its beck. "That's because we are banned and there are no children around these parts of the forest."

Emma furrowed her brows. "Why are we banned?"

"There is a King and Queen in the Enchanted Forest who are afraid of us because we have magic," Regina told her.

"Who are they?" Emma said, anger blazed in her eyes.

"Snow White and Prince Charming."

Emma stood up and started pacing. "When I'm queen I'll ban them, make them live in sorrow and loneliness." She suddenly turned to her mother. "but if they're the Kind and Queen than you can't be one."

Regina stood up. "I wanted to tell you this when you were 18 but I guess I can tell you now," Regina sighed. "I am the rightful Queen but Snow White stole the throne from me."

"Then we'll steal it back," Emma said determined as a wicked smile appeared on her face. "Yes, we can plan an attack, steal back our kingdom, steal back the crown."

"This is why I wanted to wait until you were 18," Regina said, making Emma look at her again. "you're too young and your magic is still unpredictable. Plus, if we want to win then we need a army."

Emma walked over to her, grabbing both her mother's hands. "I promise you mother, I'll get you your kingdom back. Until my 18th birthday I'll train myself, find men to fight for our battles. I swear to you, I won't rest until the crown rest upon your head again."

Regina smiled down at her daughter before hugging her. This was the best thing Regina had ever heard in her life. What would Snow White and Prince Charming be heartbroken when they would finally be reunited with their long lost daughter to be killed by her. Maybe villains did get their happy ending.

* * *

Just like Emma promised she spend every day since her 12 until she was 18 training and forming a army. Her army wasn't a regular army of man soldiers, no, Emma's army was of wild creatures; ogres, orcs, dragons, every evil creature that was known in the Enchanted Forest she charmed it so it would listen to her and only her.

So on her 18th birthday she rode out of the caste with her army to the King and Queen of Misthaven. The battle was fought bravely but in the end Emma had won. Sadly, the King and Queen had fled their castle when Emma came to slaughter them. Emma felt the magic that helped them escape; fairy dust, the only magic that was stronger than hers. But even all the fairy dust in the world combined couldn't stop her.

Emma walked through the abandoned throne room after the battle, a smug smile on her face. She walked up the stairs to the throne and sat down, leaning back.

"Long live The Dark Soul Queen," she said to herself with a wicked smile.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this prologue. Let me know if I should continue or not in the reviews.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Happy 20th birthday, my princess," Regina said as she walked through Emma's bedroom door. Emma rubbed her tired eyes before smiling at her mother. She pushed herself up in bed as Regina sat down next to her, handing her a tray with a piece of cake and all kind of sweet buns and cinnamon rolls.

"Thank you Mom, these are my favourite," Emma said and hugged her mother.

"Only the best for you, my dear," Regina pulled back from the hug and gave Emma a wicked smile. Emma knew that smile at too well and her own formed on her lips. "a pirate ship attack one of our trading ships and because it is your birthday you can punish the captain."

Emma's entire face lit up. "Really? Thank you mother." Emma hugged her mother again.

"Your welcome, now eat your breakfast and meet me in the throne room in an hour." Regina stood from Emma's bed and walked out of the room. Emma happily munched on her breakfast while she went over every punishment option she knew.

Directly killing him wouldn't be enough, she had to torture him. Emma loved it when she could make even the toughest men scream like little girls, it was music to her ears. Most men would die from the torture eventually by infection or starvation but when they were tough and she was tired of them she just crushed their hearts.

That was another thing that Emma loved doing; crushing hearts. With a heart in your hand you had so much power, so much control over someone, it was the best feeling ever.

After Emma was done with her breakfast she got changed in her favourite dress. You would think that black was her favourite colour but she always admired white. So her favourite dress was also white with long sleeves and lace. It also made her look sweet and innocent.

Most men who were dragged before her mother would looked at her, thinking she wouldn't approve of killing because she looked innocent. The shock on their faces when she decided on the punishment was priceless. Another reason why she loved white, it deceived people.

Emma walked out of her chambers and to the throne room. She was exited. She didn't get much people to torture now a day. Mostly because they learned to stay away or her mother would handle it. She entered the throne room and sat down on her throne next to her mother.

"So who is this pirate captain," she asked her mother, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"Captain Killian Jones, he betrayed his king after his brother was killed and turned pirate," Regina informed her. "I bet he would make for a lovely toy to play with."

"I do hope so," Emma said with a evil grin. "I've been so bored the past few weeks, I would like a new toy."

At that moment the guards opened the doors and brought in the captain. Emma tilted her head as she looked at him. He was all clad in leather like most pirates, but it looked good on him. His hair was dark and the scruff on his face also didn't look that unpleasant.

Her fought against the bindings and the guards before he was pushed to his knees and was forced to look at them. He first glared at Regina before he looked at her. When their eyes met her breath caught in her throat and she swore her heart stopped for a beat. His eyes were the bluest eyes she had ever seen, reminding her of the ocean and the sky on their brightest days.

She was snapped out of whatever she was in when Regina spoke. "Killian Jones."

"I prefer _Captain_ Killian Jones," he said, not looking away from Emma while smirking. "now if you would be so kind to release me."

"Silence," Emma said and stood up.

"Ah, princess, you wouldn't let your mother kill an innocent man, now would you?"

There is was, he thought she was sweet, that she couldn't stomach killing. How wrong her was. She smirked at him as she slowly walked closer and she saw his fading a bit.

"No, you're right," she said. "I wouldn't let an 'innocent' man die at my mother's hand when I'm the one who's supposed to kill it." The smirk fell from his face as she kneeled down before him, lifting his chin with her nails. "you are my birthday present after all."

He glared at her, his eyes stormy as they looked into hers. "What are you going to do with me?" he growled. "all I've done is attack one of your ships because we were running low on food. Death is a bit much for stealing, don't you think?"

"A crime is a crime and I'm bored, can't a girl have some fun?"

"You're more a demon hiding under a girls aperients," he growled.

"You know me less than two minutes," she stood up and shook her head. "and they say that I'm judging people to fast."

"I've seen demons before, you have the same look in your eyes."

Emma laughed. "Doesn't it look good on me?"

"I doubt you chose this."

Emma's smile faded a bit. "I was born on this path, I chose to follow it." She turned her back to him. "Take him to the torture chambers, I already have an idea what I'm going to do to him."

Emma glanced over her shoulder as the Captain was dragged out of the throne room. Their eyes connected for a few second and she saw anger, hatred, but also pity. Why would he pity her? This was who she is, she chose to be like this and she loved it, so why pity?

"Don't let him get under your skin," Regina said as she stood up from her throne and walked over to her.

"I won't."

* * *

The guards brought Killian to a dark room that send a shiver down his spine. There was blood on the walls and on the floor, torture equipment in every corner. Killian swallowed hard and started to fight against the guards again but it was no use.

"Bind him to the pole," he heard the princess say from behind them. "and take his coat and shirt off, I want to see him bleed." Her voice was ice cold, like it was the most normal thing in the world to say.

They took him to a pole that stood in the middle of the room and bound his hand together on the other side. When he though those guards forgot the unclothe him and he could maybe make a run for it when they unbound his hands again they grabbed a knife and started cutting away his coat first. The leather coat was thick so it took them awhile before it was completely ripped to the floor.

They started on his vest and shirt. They weren't careful at all, cutting him multiple times. He gritted his teeth to keep himself from hissing in pain. When they were finally done he heard someone approach him and looked up.

The princess stood next to him. Her white dress replaced by an older brown green one with blood stains. Her hair was done back and a cruel smile was on her lips.

"Well, Captain, I can't say I don't like what I see," she said and started walking. With her cold fingers she touched his bare back and he winched slightly. He heard her laugh softly as she trailed over a fresh cut with her finger and he shifted his body away from her hand. "we are going to have a great time together."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked her. She simple smiled.

"I like it," she came to face him again and moved closer so she could whisper in his ear, "I love to hear man scream in agony, begging to be killed instead of this cruelty."

"Then you won't hear a single sound of me, I'm not giving you that pleasure."

She laughed darkly again as she moved back. "So brave, but trust me on this pirate; even the thickest men can be broken, even the bravest can become cowards."

"Then do your worst," he snarled and closed his eyes, preparing himself for whatever torture she had planned for him.

"With pleasure," she said and placed the palm of her hand on his back. First it was a cold touch but then it started to warm up. It went from ice cold to a pleasant warmth to a burning pain. He wanted to scream as his skin burned but he held his mouth shut. He clenched his hands, trying to move away from her hand but it stayed on his back. He could smell it, he could smell his own burning skin.

Finally she removed her hand and he sagged in, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holing. "You are a tough one," she admitted as she walked to an corner. Before he could even see what she had picked up she began to hit him with something sharp.

His body tensed again and he could feel his skin break. The burned skin hurt even more than the rest. The pain was unbearable but he stayed conscious even though he wouldn't mind passing out. Still, he didn't scream, didn't his in pain. He tried to focus on his breathing instead of the pain. _In and out, in and out, in and out…_

* * *

After several hours Emma was done, she didn't feel like torturing anymore. She actually felt more like reading now, maybe she could steal a bit of cake from the kitchen on her way back to her chambers. Not to mention she had to prepare herself for her birthday ball that was tonight.

She had to admit that the Captain was tougher then he looked. Throughout the whole thing he didn't make a sound, he only breathed.

"Are you done with me?" he asked, bitterness laced in his voice.

"For now," she said simple and beckoned the guards to take him to his cell. Emma walked out of the torture chambers and header for her room. She had to wash his blood off of her and get dressed.

After she was clean and dressed in one of her simple gowns she grabbed her favourite book an positioned herself on the couch before the fire. Emma might be a monster, a demon, but she was also still a girl. Just like any other she dreamed of her True Love, but she knew that she didn't have one.

Her mother told her that love was weakness and True Love could only destroy. So Emma only read about True Love and never searched for it. Sometimes she wished the girls in the stories weren't so naïve, so weak and stupid. They would meet a man, fall in love, marry and live happily ever after. Real life doesn't work like that, but still Emma found herself secretly wishing that it was that simple.

Halfway through the page her mind began to wonder off to the Captain. _I doubt you chose this,_ why would he think she didn't want this? Her life was great, she had her mother, the kingdom, everyone feared her, why wouldn't she want this?

 _Because I'm lonely, I only have my mother, the kingdom is not mine, everyone fears me._ Emma closed her book as the thought consumed her. She didn't have any friends and her mother ruled the kingdom. Every time she would go out no one dared to talk to her.

 _You're more a demon hiding under a girls aperients._ Why did his words affect her so much? She had been cursed at before, threatened even, but only his words hit her.

Emma shook her head, erasing the thoughts from her mind. _Don't let him get under your skin._ He was just messing with her, playing tricks on her mind. She put her book away and walked to her dresser. She picked out a few dresses and walked out of her chambers. She wanted to spend some time with her mother before she was gone.

She entered her mother's studies. Her mother was talking to some men that were clothed in fancy clothing. "Mother, could you-"

"Sorry dear, Mamma is busy right now," Regina said without even glancing her way. Emma nodded and left the room again. She didn't want to ask any of the maiden's opinion on her clothing because they wouldn't tell her the truth. They feared that she wouldn't like her opinion so they would lie, but she didn't want that.

Somehow she found herself walking to the dungeons. No one in this castle except for her mother dared to speak against her. Except her mother and a pirate captain. Maybe it was stupid to ask her new toy what dress to wear to her birthday ball, but she knew he wouldn't lie to her.

Emma stood before his cell. He was laying on his cot, his back to her. She smirked as she saw how ruined his back was, she had done a good job on that. She still wondered how long it would take her before he screamed.

"Captain," she said loudly.

"What?" he said annoyed, not making any move to look at her.

"You have to help me with something."

He pushed himself up slowly, he was clearly in pain but still he didn't make one sound to voice it. He turned to her, his eyes dark and expression emotionless. "What could you possible need me for?" he snarled.

"Help me chose a dress," she said, holding up one of the dresses she had swung over her arm.

The Captain gave her a confused look. "A dress?"

"Yes."

"Why would you ask me?"

"You're the only one that wouldn't lie to me."

A smirk appeared on his lips as he straitened a bit, probably pushing past the pain. "And are you going to give me a little show?" he asked and raised his eyebrow.

Emma felt playful. "Maybe the one you chose," she said and smirked as well. The smirk felt different, more teasing and playful than cruel and dark. He seemed to be surprised by it, but recovered quickly. She could still see the anger in his eyes, he was still angry with her which was understandable but she didn't care.

"Show me what I can chose from."

"Just to be clear, this doesn't change anything between us," she said as she held up the first dress. "I still want to hear you scream."

"And I want to hear you moan, but we can't have everything we want," he sighed dramatically. Emma felt her cheeks warm up, _was she seriously blushing?_ "Not this one."

Emma ducked her head a little and grabbed the second dress, holding it up for him to see. He noticed her blush but didn't comment on it other than winking at her before looking at the dress.

"And this one?"

The Captain shook his head. "No, doesn't match your eyes."

She put the second one away and held up the two last ones. He looked between the two with furrowed brows as if his life depended on this decision.

"Come on, I don't have all day."

"The green one, I bet that would look beautiful on you."

She looked at the dress, it was a strapless long sleeve gown with a silk skirt and a gold patterned middle. "Okay, thanks." Emma collects her dresses again and was about to leave when he called after her.

"What about my show?"

"Maybe next time," she said and left the dungeons.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Thank you to those who reviewed, followed and favourite. Let me know what you guys think in the reviews and what you think is going to happen ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

Emma looked at herself in the mirror. After she went to the Captain she quickly changed into her green dress. She had to admit the Captain had a good taste, the dress indeed looked beautiful on her. She had never worn it before but maybe now she will wear it more often.

A soft knock snapped her out of her thoughts. Her door opened and her mother poked her head through the opening. "Are you ready, honey?" Regina asked.

"Yeah, just a minute," Emma replied. Regina nodded and closed the door again. As soon as her mother was outside the door Emma walked to her little potion table, grabbing a little vial out of a box. She had brew this potion a while back but hadn't used it yet.

The potion was actually more like a poison. The person who took it would slowly become sick and after a few weeks the person would die. No one would suspect it was a poison since the sickness will start after a few days after taking it, looking like a normal sickness, only this one will kill you in the end.

Emma had made this for a special someone, for someone that needed to get out of her way. She put the vial under her corset, gave herself one last glance in the mirror before leaving her room. She walked through the halls and to the ballroom where her mother and all the guest were waiting for her.

Emma arrived at the large doors that led to the ballroom. She stroked her skirt and made sure the potion was still tugged under her corset before she walked in. She held her chin high as she was announced and glanced around the room, looking at all the guest with a cold glare and a cruel smile. a few men she looked in the eye jumped back or turned pale, or both.

As soon as she was down the stairs a man walked up to her, extending his hand. "May I have your first dance, princess?" he asked.

Emma smiled and placed her hand in his. He led her to the dance floor and the music started playing. They swayed from side to side, stepping to the rhythm of the music. She looked at the man and tilted her head. She had never seen him before so she gathered that he was from a faraway land. He had a neatly trimmed beard and his eyes were a grey colour that really stood out.

"Where are you from?" she asked him curious.

"I'm from a land that is far away from here; Camelot, you may have hear of it?" the man answered.

Emma shook her head. "Can't say I have."

"You should come visit sometime with your mother," he insisted. "I bet you would love it there."

"Maybe one day."

So that's why he didn't fear her, he didn't know who she was. This man probably thought her to be a simple naïve princess just like the rest of them. What a fool.

For some reason the Captain popped in her mind the longer she looked at the strange man's eyes. Something just reminded her of him and she couldn't help but let her mind wonder as she grew bored of the man she was dancing with. It's a pity she couldn't dance with him, he was attractive and probably a good dancer. But her toy wasn't here for that, he was here to entertain her with his pain because of his crime. She still wondered when he would start to scream.

The song ended and Emma walked away from him the second he let her go, he was really boring and his dancing was to slow for her liking. She walked over to her mother who was talking to Maleficent, an old friend of her mother.

"Emma, look at you, how you've grown," Maleficent said and gave her a quick hug. "I'm sorry but Lily couldn't come, she wasn't feeling so well."

Emma nodded a bit disappointed. Lily was the closes thing she had to a friend. She met her a few years ago and they immediately had a click, but she didn't see her very often so staying friends was a bit hard. Especially if you don't know how to be someone's friend.

Emma turned to her mother. "Mother, shall I get us something to drink?"

"That would be lovely, my dear."

Emma nodded and turned, walking to the table where glasses of champagne stood. She took one and when no one was looking she grabbed the little vial, slipping some of the liquid in the drink. It quickly dissolved and Emma smirked at the glass. She took another two glasses for Maleficent and herself, holding the one with the poison in her right hand and the other two in her left.

She walked back to them and handed her mother the glass of champagne in her right hand. Regina smiled at her and took a sip as Emma handed Maleficent her glass. Maybe it should be filling Emma with guilt that she poisoned her own mother, but it didn't. It actually felt great if she really thought about it. How she loved to see someone die even when it was slow and they didn't know they were going to.

* * *

After most of the guest were leaving Emma found herself wandering to the dungeons again. She walked down the stairs and hummed the song they were playing when she left the ballroom. She half danced her way to the Captains cell. Something inside her felt peaceful, happy and she just felt like a feather that was being carried on the wind.

"Someone sounds happy," the Captain said as she stopped before his cell, his back turned to her again. Those wounds only helped to lift her mood.

"I am happy," she said and leaned against the bars. Okay, maybe she had a bit too much wine and champagne too, but it was her birthday. "didn't you want a show?"

He slowly turned to her and stood, giving her a puzzled expression. "Are you drunk?"

"Does it matter?"

"Oh, I want us both to enjoy the show," he said with a smirk. Emma tilted her head and smirked back. She suddenly really wanted to kiss him, he was so good looking after all.

"I poisoned my mother," she giggled suddenly. His eyes grew wide and Emma laughed because his face looked funny like that.

"Why would you poison your mother?" he asked confused.

"She's in my way," Emma shrugged. "I want the throne and she is currently sitting on it, I have to get rid of her in some way."

"Couldn't you just ask her?"

Emma laughed and pushed herself off of the bars. "Don't you think I already tried that? She said that the throne would be mine when I'm 30 or when she died. I'm becoming impatient."

His face hardened and he clenched his jaw. "But she is your mother."

Emma huffed. "She's the one who raised me, yes, but she's not my mother."

"What?"

"Am I the only one that is not blind?" she nearly shouted, spreading her arms and looking around even though no one was there. "I look nothing like her, I don't have a father and blood magic doesn't work between the two of us." He glared at her for some reason but she was not in the mood to get her good mood ruined. "you know what? I'm done talking to you."

She started to walk back to the stairs when he called after her, "Do you love her?"

"Excuse me?" she said, turning on her heels.

"Do you love her?" he repeated.

"I do," she snarled. Great, now he ruined her mood anyway.

"You don't poison the ones you love."

She crossed her arms and walked over to his cell, giving him a nasty glare. "Then I'm not capable of love, pirate. Love is weakness anyway. My soul is darker than the night, something pathetic as love I can't feel so no I don't love her, I never loved anyone, I can't love." Anger was rising up in her as he kept staring at her with a cold look. "Death, pain and screams of agony are the only things that brings me pleasure so you either shut up now or I won't wait until tomorrow to beat you up."

To her surprise he took a step closer and his eyes softened just the tiniest bit. "You may be a demon, but even they can love."

"I. Can't." It was the hard truth that she realised when she read her first roman. Feelings of love were described but no matter how hard she looked inside herself she could feel them, not even the smallest bit.

He took another few steps closer so that he was now face to face with her. "I believe you can," he said softly. She was tired of this, tired of him. With a wave of her hand she send him across his cell, letting him hit the wall hard. He fell unconscious to the floor, the wounds on his back opening again from the impact and started bleeding.

She smiled to herself as she looked at his unmoving body. She did warn him.

* * *

 **A/N: Not a very long chapter, but I just wanted to post something today. Hope you enjoyed it! please leave a review with your thoughts :)**


	4. Chapter 4

A week had passed since Killian was captured by the Queen and her demon Princess. In this week he has been tortured more then what should be acceptable. His entire body was screaming as he lay on the cot in his cell. Still, he hadn't given the Princess the pleasure of his scream and kept his mouth shut. No matter how much pain he went through he didn't make one sound.

He didn't know how much longer he could keep up, how much his body could take. It surprised him that he had hold out a whole week. His wounds were surly infected and the lack of food and water didn't help either. It was just enough to not die but not enough to fully live.

But the Princess told her his secret of why it took so long. The weapons she used were covered in some kind of poison. The poison made sure that the wounds would get infected but very, very slowly.

He heard the lock of his cell click and he gathered that it was the Princess who stepped inside. He couldn't see her since his eyes were closed, but who else would it be?

"Come on, Captain," her cold voice said although it was laced with amusement. "we have a big day ahead of us. I just got some new equipment delivered from a southern kingdom and I also learned some new spells I would like to try out."

"Can't… move," was all he got out without hissing in pain. He heard the Princess walk closer but he kept his eyes closed, not having the strength to open them. Her cold fingers touched his bruised skin and his gritted his teeth, flinching slightly.

"Maybe if you let out a scream you would feel better," she said gently but still cold. "it's not good to keep so much anger and pain crammed up inside you, just let it out."

He didn't say anything, didn't move a muscle, only clenching his jaw. Her fingers slowly made its way to his neck with a feathered touch before she suddenly gripped around it tightly. He gasped and his eyes shot open as he was lifted in the air and pushed against the wall.

Pain shot through every muscle, every vein, just every inch of his body, but still he refused to scream. He looked at the Princess, her eyes dark and her face was filled with rage. She brought her face closer to his, looking him dead in the eye while he glared at her.

"Scream and I'll make it quick," she snarled lowly. He pressed his lips together, not giving in to her command. "Fine," she said and a dark grin spread across her face. "then I'll just practice my new tricks on you."

Her hand released his throat and he dropped to the floor, coughing while trying to push past the pain. She kneeled down before him and placed her hand over one of the cuts on his arm. An agonising pain started to spread through him. He had felt many kinds of pain these past few days but this was the worst. It was like he was stabbed by millions of knifes at the same time while a salt was poured into the wounds the stabbing had created.

It got worse every second and he couldn't keep his mouth shut for another moment. His lips parted and he screamed out of the tops of his lungs. The sound that left him didn't feel like it was his as he screamed harder and harder.

Suddenly the pain stopped and his body relaxed from its tension. The scream died in his throat and he breathed heavily. He heard the Princess step back rather hastily and when he opened his eyes to looked up at the Princess he expected to see her grinning in pleasure or laughing.

But she wasn't.

Not even a tiny smile was on her lips. She actually looked rather… horrified. Without doing or saying anything else she turned and walked out of the cell, not even bothering to lock it since he could even move out of his own will.

Why did she looked so horrified? She said she had done this a million times and the only thing he did was scream, like she wanted him to. So why was she horrified? Why did she suddenly leave? As much as he wanted to know the answers he was too tired to think about it. Just like that, he drifted off on the cold hard floor.

* * *

Emma ran out of the dungeons as quick as she could back to her own room. She quickly entered and closed the door behind her, leaning against it. What was happening to her?

The Captain screamed just like she wanted him to, but instead of music that usually filled her ears it sounded more like they were being ripped off her head. As soon as the sound left his body her entire being started to hurt, as if she was being tortured herself. It was a horrible sound. She could still hear it roaming through her head no matter how much she tried to push it away.

She gripped her hair and walked over to her bed, sitting down while closing her eyes tightly. "Let it stop, let it stop, let it stop," she repeated to herself as the scream only sounded louder and louder in her head. "Just stop!" she shouted. Tears were spilling from her eyes as a deep pain settled in her chest, hurting her in a way she had never been hurt before.

"Emma?" she heard her mother say from the door opening. She didn't look up until she felt the space beside her dip in as her mother sat down. "Emma, what's wrong?"

Emma shook her head, not being able to get any words out of her mouth. Her mother wrapped her arms around her and she let her head rest against Regina's shoulder. she couldn't remember the last times she cried like this, but the pain was just so strange and so painful that she couldn't hold the tears back.

Regina stroked her hair and she slowly calmed down, the screaming fading. "He screamed, Mother, he screamed and it hurts," she said, not knowing another way to describe what she was feeling.

"Who screamed?" Regina asked gently.

"The Captain, I made him scream but it hurts to hear it."

"Well, than just kill him," Regina said simply and Emma pulled away to look at her mother. "if he's hurting you than kill him, he's your toy and toys are not meant to hurt."

Emma sniffed and wiped away her tears as a small smile tugged on her lips. She nodded, feeling better as the idea of never having to hear that sound again made her feel lighter. But there was still one thing she was curious about. "But why did it hurt, mother? It never hurt me before."

"Where does it hurt?" Regina asked a bit cautious.

Emma placed her hand on her chest, a bit to the left. "Here. Like something just… broke."

Regina's eyes widened before she put on a fake smile and took Emma's hand. "I'm sure it's nothing," she said and stood up. "is there anything else?"

Emma shook her head. "How are you feeling mother?" she asked instead. It had been a week since she gave her mother the poison, it should be kicking in by now.

"I'm actually feeling a bit dizzy so I'm going to lay down for a minute," she said and Emma stood up, faking concern.

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine," Regina gave her a smile and squeezed her hand before leaving her room. Emma tried to enjoy the fact that she would be queen soon, but she couldn't. Her chest was still hurting, less when her mother came in but still hurting. It was just such a strange feeling.

Emma stood up and walked to a shelf where she kept all her magic books. Maybe in those books would be an explanation. She took a few books with torture spells and curses and settled down on her bed.

After an hour of reading she couldn't find anything that could have caused her this pain. No spell, no curse, no charm, not anything could have caused this. Emma let out a sound of frustration as she closed the book and threw it to the edge of her bed.

She was still feeling it. It was getting less but it was still present. Maybe she should just kill him, maybe then this feeling would disappear. Whatever he did to her she was getting sick of it and it needed to stop.

Emma got off of her bed and straitened herself before leaving her room. She walked down to the dungeons again. Her face was cold and emotionless as she opened his cell. He was still on the floor where she had left him. He was covered in dried blood and his eyes were closed, his breathing shallow but even.

As she kneeled down to look closer at him the pain started to get worse. "What are you doing to me?" she hissed quietly, knowing that he probably wouldn't answer. She gritted her teeth and pushed the pain away as much as she could.

She rolled the Captain over a bit so she had better access to his heart. She extended her hand and plunged it in his chest, pulling out his heart. His eyes shot open and he gasped as he looked at her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice less rough than she expected and his sentence came out without a stutter or pause.

"I'm sick of you," she snarled and started squeezing his heart. "you're hurting me!"

"Hurting… you?" he asked through gritted teeth as he kept his eyes focussed on her while his hand clawed at his chest. The pain in her chest began to get worse the longer he looked at her.

"Yes! Just stop it!" she yelled at him and released her grip in his heart, standing and turning her back to him.

She heard the Captain push himself up behind her while he breathed heavily. "Is-is that why y-you left so suddenly?"

"What kind of game are you playing?" she hissed turning back to him. "What is this spell you cast on me?"

"I have no idea w-what you're talking about," he hissed back at her.

"Fine," she said in a much calmer but cold voice. "then your life won't end until you tell me what you're doing to me."

Before he could say anything else she pushing his heart back in his chest and left the cell again. This time she did close and lock the door behind her. Whatever this Captains thinks he's doing, it won't work. All kinds of pain fade, so this one will too.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you all for reading! please let me know what you think, reviews help me write and update faster! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

"How are you feeling mother?" Emma asked as she hands her mother a bowl of soup. Regina sits up a little, coughing before smiling at her.

"I'm fine, dear," Regina said, accepting the bowl. "and how are you?"

"Better."

"Have you killed him?" Regina asked after sipping some of her soup.

"No, he's doing something to me but he won't tell me," Emma explained. "I'm not killing him until I know what spell he had cast on me."

Regina gave her that strange look again with the fake smile. "Maybe if you kill him the spell would break."

"Probably, but I want to know what it is. It really hurts and I want to use it." Emma stood and smile at her mother. "But you need to rest now, Mother."

"Be careful with him, Emma," Regina said and took her hand before she could leave.

"Don't worry, Mother, he will suffer for this."

Again, Regina gave her that strange look, as if she knew more but didn't want to tell her. Emma left her mother's room and headed towards the dungeons. She walked down the stairs, a cold smile on her lips as she opened the Captains' cell.

"Ahoy Captain," she said. He just groaned. "Oh, come on, don't be grumpy. If you just tell me what spell you put on me I will make it quick."

"I've already told you, I can't do magic and I haven't put a spell on you," he grumbled without looking at her.

"Yes you did," she said, determent for him to give in already. She turned her head, calling over her shoulder, "Guards, get him to my torture chambers."

The guards walked into the cell, grabbing the Captain roughly. He glared at her as he walked past her, she just smiled at him. She followed as the guards half dragged him to the torture chambers. In the chambers they tied him to the pole again.

The guards left the room as Emma walked over to him, her nails trailing some of the scars she had caused. "I should probably give you a update on how my mother is doing."

"Why tell me?"

She shrugged. "You're the only one who knows. It's not like I could tell it to anyone else."

He then looked at her, curiosity and somehow understanding in his eyes. "Don't you have an evil friend or a guard you talk to?" he asked, his voice sounding less harsh which confused her slightly.

"Does it matter?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

The Captain straitened himself a bit. "If your mother and I are the only ones you really talk to than who do you have when we are both dead, when you killed us?"

There it was, the ache in her chest again. She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're doing it again. This pain, this empty pain, I'm feeling it again."

He lifted his head as if he understood something she didn't, which made her only angry. "That is probably guilt, Princess."

"Guilt?" she laughed darkly. "I don't feel guilty over anything, I can't."

"Still you are feeling it."

"Shut up already," she growled and grabbed the first thing she could find to hit him, which was a broken piece of wood. The Captain screamed in agony and Emma could help but step back as the ache in her chest started to get worse. "I'm not doing this," she mumbled to herself.

The piece of wood fell to the floor as the anger left her body and the pain consumed her. She turned, starting to walk out the room when the Captain called after her, "Where are you going?"

"Your spell is working," she wanted to sound harsh but it came out as a plea, a plea for him to stop it. "happy now?"

Before he could reply she left the room and turned to the guards that were guarding the door to the chamber. "Make sure he suffers before bringing him back to his cell."

"Of course, Princess," the guard said, bowing his head.

"How do I look?" she asked suddenly. The guards gave her a puzzled look before one spoke up.

"Gorgeous, Princess, like always."

"Of course," she mumbled to herself, not finding any rage for that he was lying to her. As she walked back to her bedroom chamber she studied the feeling she was feeling now. At first the pain in her chest started and it left an empty, numb feeling. As if all her emotions were put to a stop only for sadness to slowly make its way through.

Emma entered her chambers and closed the door behind her, tears pricking her eyes. She had been crying a lot lately, that stupid spell. She sat down on her bed, a hand covering the place right above her heart as the tears started flowing.

The emptiness started to burn and the scream found its way in her head again. She did nothing but close her eyes to stop the tears. If she wanted to discover what this spell was she needed to study the effects, know exactly what it does.

But what was he saying about feeling guilty? What did he mean? She didn't feel guilty. Her mother had to die for her to become queen, it was necessary. And was she feeling guilty for hurting him? He deserved it, he brought it to himself. So what was this feeling that he described as _guilty_?

* * *

Later that night Emma found herself not being able to sleep. She turned and turned but couldn't find a comfortable position. His word kept ringing through her head just like his scream. Eventually Emma was sick of this, sick of this stupid spell.

She pushed the comforters off of her and got out of bed. She didn't bother to light a candle since she could just summon a fireball in her hand. So with the light of the fire she made her way to the dungeons, walking down the stairs to the cell of the Captain.

When she looked through the bars she saw the Captain. His face was turned to her, sleeping. His eyes were closed and most of his body was relaxed. Without making much noise she opened his cell and walked inside. As she got closer to him she noticed how much younger he looked while sleeping.

For some reason she felt a smile tug at her lips and he hand reached out to brush some of his hair out of his face. The constant pain inside her seemed to fade the longer she looked at his relaxed expression, as if looking at him so peaceful was enough.

A cut on his shoulder caught her eye and she turned her head to examine it. It was deep and still bleeding. The guards must have given him that after she left. The ache started to get worse again and she frowned. Before she knew what she was doing she placed her hand on the cut and healed it until there was nothing left but a faint scar. Her hand trailed down a bit to his back and there too she healed the biggest and most painful wounds.

Her mind caught up with her actions again and she pulled her hand away from him and stepped back. Why was she healing him? She gave those wounds to him and now she was healing them? But something else really caught her attention; the warm feeling that spread inside her at knowing that his pain was less now. This warmth pushed away the coldness she had felt for many years and she couldn't say it wasn't unpleasant.

Before she could do anything else she shook her head and left the cell. It was just that stupid spell he had cast on her. But something in the back of her head that she had been ignoring most of the time told her that he had done nothing to her.

* * *

Killian woke the next morning, expecting to feel a painful sting from every wound he had as he carefully stretched his muscles. To his surprise he only felt a dull ache on his skin as if he had been cut by paper. He opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder, seeing most of his wounds completely gone or just a small scar.

He frowned and pushed himself up in a sitting position. His body felt so much better, but it unnerved him. Why was it feeling better? How could it be feeling better? Yesterday he drifted out of consciousness because of the pain. Wounds like that didn't just heal in one night.

His head shot up when he heard his cell door unlock, and to his surprise a guard entered instead of the Princess.

"Where's the Princess?" he asked as the guards took his arms and escorted him to the torture chambers.

"She won't be the one to torture you today," one of the guards said.

"What?" he asked confused, raising an eyebrow.

"We'll have the pleasure of doing that today," the other one said. Killian could hear the man's grin in his voice even though he couldn't see it because of the helmet. "Now shut up or we'll make it worse than the Princess."

"I doubt you can," he mumbled to himself as they opened the door and bound his to the pol again. He didn't pay attention to the two guards who were discussing how they were going to hurt him because the Princess kept intruding his mind.

Why wouldn't she be here to torture him? She loved to see him suffer so why wasn't she here? Was she getting bored of him? No, if she got bored of him she would have killed him. Maybe it was because of that pain she was feeling lately. She accused him of it, saying he put a spell on.

It was crazy but he thought he knew why she was feeling this… pain. He first thought it was guilt that she felt, guilt for poisoning her mother but now that she walked out yesterday and didn't even show up today made his second theory make more sense. It was definitely crazy but his theory was…

She was falling for him.

She was falling for him without knowing. She had never loved and now that she was falling she was feeling new emotions that she didn't know.

Or maybe that was him just wishful thinking. He may never admit it out loud but he liked it every time she came to visit him in his cell. No matter how much she hurt him he looked forward to seeing her again. There was just something in her eyes, someone that hid behind the demon, someone he had the urge to free.

The time he had been here showed him two sides of her; the Princess and the Demon. The Demon would show when she tortured him, but the Princess showed when she was herself. Asking him what dress she should wear, their little small talk just before she hurt him. It were small moment but they seem to come more often by the day.

He let out a yelp when a whip hit his back hard. It was more the surprise that made him yelp than the pain. He wondered as the blows kept coming if he would see the Princess again or that she would just let the guards torture him now. He was insane for thinking this, but he would rather have this Princess hurting him than those guards.

Because maybe he was falling for her as well.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you all for reading! please leave a review with your thoughts, I love to hear them! :)**

 **check out my other stories too! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

A week had passed, or was it a month? Killian wouldn't know. Every day was the same to him. The guards would wake him and bring him to the torture chambers, there he would be tortured for a few hours, then he would be brought back to his cell, where he got some food and eventually pass out of the pain or just went to sleep when his pain wasn't too much. He didn't mind any of the things that happened to him, because in the back of his mind he believed he deserved it anyway.

The thing that really hurt him though, was that he didn't get to see the Princess. She never came to torture him or watch him being tortured. She never came to visit him in his cell, ask him for his opinion on something or threaten to crush his heart because of those weird _feelings_ she'd been feeling. Maybe he should be happy that she didn't come to hurt him anymore, but it actually saddened him.

He wanted to see her, wanted to talk to her so that he could hear her voice. And when he wants to hear her voice he means the one of the girl and not of the demon. He wanted to see her golden hair flow over her shoulders and her emerald green eyes search his for who knows what.

He was a fool for falling for her like this. A fool for considering her more than the demon she appears to be, but he just couldn't help it. There was beauty in her, not only on the outside but also inside. He had seen it, every day more clear than the other. The beauty of an broken angle.

Something had happened to her and he suspected Regina to be the cause of it. Killian would never consider the Princess a killer at first sight, not only because she looked innocent, but also because she was innocent. Something was controlling her from the inside and all Killian wanted to do was free her from it.

Killian wanted to see the real woman she was meant to be. The only problem was; he didn't know how to get to her.

Aside from all of that there was another problem. Well, it wasn't really a problem, but it was still something he wondered over. Every morning his wounds of the torture of the day before were healed or just were gone completely. It was strange to say the least and Killian may have a theory or two on how or why that would be so, but he couldn't confirm anything.

Not until he knew what happened every night.

So when Killian was thrown back into his cell after the daily torture he decided to stay awake tonight. The guards hadn't hurt him that bad today, mostly because they were too busy discussing the looks of the new maidens.

Killian sat down on his cot, picking up the piece of bread that lay on a tray on the floor and breaking off a piece. He winched slightly as he put the piece of bread into his mouth. The guards had hurt him mostly on the chest today. A cut was running from his shoulder down his chest and was still bleeding, but no one cared, and honestly, neither did Killian. He knew that whatever happened at night would heal him.

After he had eaten his bread and drank his water he went to lay down on his cot, grateful that he didn't have to lay on his stomach for one because of an open back. On his cot he stared at the ceiling, counting the bricks.

 _One, two, three, four…._

 _Twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two…_

 _And Forty-four._ There were forty-four bricks in the ceiling. Killian sighed, rubbing his eyes as he began to feel sleepy. He blinked a few times.

 _Okay, again. One, two, three…_

* * *

Emma closed the door of her mother's chambers behind her. Her mother was beginning to feel weaker by the day, just like she had planned. But as the days grew by Emma was changing as well. Everything in her life suddenly didn't make sense anymore.

The joy she should be feeling because she would be queen soon wasn't there. Neither was the joy of torturing.

But, she didn't think anything of it. She was probably a bit sick or maybe her monthly bleeding was tossing around her hormones again. It was nothing to worry about, it would fade and soon she'll be back into her old routine of torturing, killing and laughing while doing so.

But until she was feeling more like her old self again she would visit the dungeons. At night, of course. She would visit the Captain, heal his wounds and leave again. She'd been doing it ever since she stopped torturing him herself. Somehow it felt wrong to have someone else hurt him, but only since a few weeks ago it also felt wrong to hurt him herself.

Emma made her way to the dungeons, having a small fireball to light her way through the dark castle that's been giving her the chills lately. Another thing she doesn't want to acknowledge and just ignores.

She walked down the stairs and went straight to the Captains cell, opening it with her magic to avoid making any noise. She looked behind her before entering, finding the Captain laying on his back instead of his stomach for once. She didn't blame him, that cut across his chest was a rather nasty one.

Emma took a deep breath, _better get this over with before he wakes up._ Emma sat down on the cot next to him, raising her hand and hovering over the cut. Her magic was glowing white, goldish as she healed the cut. When it was completely healed, only a mere scar visible, she removed her hand, ready to leave again.

Other than the cut he didn't have that many wounds, only a few bruises. Getting those new maids had been a good idea, the guards were all over them.

Emma looked at the Captain for a second longer than she should before she stood and turned to leave. Suddenly a hand clasped around her wrist, making Emma turn to see the Captain leaning on his elbow, looking at her curiously.

"Let me go," she demanded, trying to yank her wrist out of his grip but it was no use.

"You healed me," he said, his eyes glued on hers. His expression puzzled. "why would you bloody heal me?"

"I-I don't have to answer you," she said quickly, trying to pull her arm back again but without result. The Captain stood from his cot and Emma suddenly felt… scared.

She was scared.

Emma was never scared. Fear was one of the things she didn't had. It was useless and only made you weak, just like love.

But now that he was standing before her, her wrist still in his hand, Emma was scared. She knew that she could easily overpower him with her magic. Hell, she could kill him with a simple twist of her hand. The only problem was; she didn't want to kill him, didn't want to hurt him.

Lately she didn't really know what she wanted.

Emma swallowed as he stepped closer to her and she stepped back. "Why aren't you pushing me back?" he asked, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

Emma stayed silenced, not wanting to answer that question. Partly because she didn't know what to answer that with.

"Why did you heal me?" he repeated when she didn't answer, tacking another step closer.

When she didn't answer him again she saw him getting frustrated. He looked away from her and clenched his jaw. Then his eyes returned to hers, they were stormy and broken.

"Is this some kind of joke to you?" his voice rose a little as he spoke. "Torturing me is painful enough. Then, suddenly you leave me, letting the guards do all the dirty work. And then after I'm all hurt and ready to fall apart- maybe even die from pain and exhaustion in my sleep- you turn up, healing my wounds and giving me strength. That is just cruel."

Emma was speechless. She wanted to say something, but what she didn't know. This wasn't like her; normally she would blast him across the room, curse him or laugh. But all she could now was shiver as his piercing blue eyes seem to look right through her.

"Why keep me alive when you aren't even the one that hurts me?" he asked, his voice much softer but still angry.

"I can't watch you die," she whispered, not sure if she meant to say that out loud. His posture soften a bit at her word but his eyes were still stormed.

"Then why keep me here? Why hurt me if you're not enjoying it anymore?"

Emma blinked at him, looking down and shaking her head as a headache started to form. She closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

"I don't know," was all she could muster.

"What is your name?" he asked suddenly. Emma looked up at him, her eyebrows raised. When she met his eyes they were softer, back to curious and puzzled.

"You know my name," she said instead of answering.

"Aye, tell me again."

She should have just said no, walked away, push him away, cursed him, anything but what she did now.

"Emma. My name is Emma."

"Emma," he repeated, loosening his grip on her wrist so that she could remove it if she wanted, but for some reason she didn't. As soon as her name left his mouth the strange pleasant feeling returned to her stomach and the cold feeling in her chest seemed to warm again.

"Now tell me yours," she insisted before she could stop herself.

"Killian. Killian Jones," he said, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Killian," she repeated in the same tone as he repeated her name.

Before she could stop herself she stood on the tip of her toes and pressed her lips to his. His body tensed in surprise, but he recovered fast, wrapping one arm around her waist and pressed her to him while the other tangled in her hair. Her hands felt its way up his chest, one stopping at the base of his neck while the other tugged at his hair softly.

The kiss made her suddenly feel so much. Everything, just everything rushed through her, but the things that really stood out were the warmth she felt spreading through her, the passion and need for this man that filled her body, and the sudden realisation of what had happened and what she had done.

Emma pulled away from him, her eyes wide and her breathing coming fast. Too fast.

What the hell happened to her?

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. hope you all enjoyed this chapter! please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

That very same night, when Emma had kissed Killian, The Evil Queen had died from the poison. Emma should have been overjoyed by this news; she was queen now. She could do whatever she wanted and no one would stand in her way. She could imprison as many people as she wanted, fight as many kingdoms as she pleased, create an army bigger than one has ever seen.

But overjoyed was the last thing she would call herself.

Emma, the new queen of Misthaven, was broken.

Her entire life had been a lie. She'd been under the effects of a potion for so many years that now that it was gone it left her empty. She was just a shell, nothing left but emptiness. Who was she? Was Emma even her real name? Was she kind-hearted? Or was she really a monster? How should she know?

All Emma knew right now was that she was alone. Her 'mother' was dead, and although she had an entire castle of guards, servants and her prisoner, all she could feel was loneliness. It was just like the emptiness she felt, only more painful.

The longer Emma stared at the wall, the less sense her life made, and the more pain would enter her body. It was mostly guilt for everything she'd done. She could blame it on the potion, but she knew that if she'd been stronger she could have fought it. But she didn't, so it was all her fault, she was the only one to blame. Because of this guilt she let the Captain go. She'd tortured him long enough, he deserved his freedom.

It was still dark outside and in her bedroom, but the darkness didn't scare her. She'd been the darkness for so long that, it surprised her it hasn't fled from her. She would have fled if she had the chance, but again, she was to weak, too young to even know what was right and wrong. So now, the darkness embraced her, sucking her in. She'd done it do the darkness for so many years, why not return the favour?

Emma closed her eyes. In the end, there was nothing left but darkness. Close a box and darkness will fill it. Blow out a candle, the light was merely a illusion. Everything that once was light end up dark, no matter how hard you try. Some just go faster than others.

When you're born the first thing you see is light, but when you die the darkness comes back for you.

It's an endless circle. The only choice you have in this, is if you're going to let the darkness just take you or if you let the light of the next day, the hope of a new sunrise, guide you as far away from it as possible. You may never outrun it, but you might as well enjoy the moments without it.

 _"Life is made out of moments, and you my Little Princess, are one of our happiest," a kind male voice said as he cradled his new-born in his arms, rocking her from side to side. The Little Princess' eyes started to drop as the sound of her father's voice made her feel safe, warm and loved. The lullaby caused the Princess to close her emerald eyes._

 _Only to open them again in a world where her father could never rock her to sleep again._

* * *

Killian stared for a while at the open cell door. The Princess, Emma, had let him go. She even let guards bring him some clean clothing. He'd put that on the moment they handed it to him, and just when he was ready to leave this sickening place, he hesitated.

The kiss he shared with Emma was much more than he thought it would be. He knew she experienced the same, but it had broken her. The moment she pulled away from him he knew something was wrong. The evil, the demon behind her eyes was gone. But the girl wasn't behind it, like he had hoped.

No.

There was just nothing there.

The Princess was an empty shell. Now that whatever evil that had been rooted inside her was gone, there was nothing left. The evil must have been such a big part of her that there hadn't been anything of the _real_ _Emma_ in her actions. Maybe this should have scared Killian away, should have set him running right out of this place now that he still had the chance, but it didn't.

Killian stood from his cot, knowing what he was going to do. He wasn't going to run. He'd been running for most of his life. Running and searching, not knowing where he belonged. He knew the empty and lonely feeling it gave you, he didn't want that for Emma. She may have tortured him, hurt him, maybe even scarred him for life.

But that wasn't her.

That was the demon inside her, and now that it was gone, the real Emma was there. She must feel so alone right now, so confused, and so empty. He didn't want that for her, no one deserved that feeling. It was the worst torture in the world. He wouldn't even wish it to his worst enemies.

So with these thoughts, Killian walked out of his cell, out of the dungeons and looked everywhere for Emma. She wasn't hard to find; her chambers were close to the dungeons and torture chambers. Killian carefully opened the door, seeing her sitting in a corner in the complete dark, her eyes closed. His chest ached for her as he stepped inside. She didn't open her eyes, didn't look up. She just sat there, unmoving. The only movement about her was the singe tear that fell down her cheek until it hit the cold floor.

Killian kneeled down beside her, reaching out to wipe the new tear away. He smiled when she slowly opened her eyes, turning her head to look at him. He opened his mouth to say something but she spoke before any sound could leave him.

"You should have gone," she said quietly. "why haven't you run the moment I let you go?"

"I'm not leaving you to figure this out on your own," he told her. She smiled sadly at him, looking down.

"You don't know me, I don't even know me."

"Then let me help you find yourself." Emma looked up at him again, her eyes full of pain, regret and just emptiness.

"I don't know if I can live with myself," she admitted, more tears leaving her eyes. "everything I've done, the people that I've hurt. I could never forgive myself, especially not after what I did to you."

"I forgive you," Killian cups her cheek, brushing away the new tears with his thumb. "that wasn't you. That demon is gone now, and I forgive you."

"How can you forgive me?" she asked him unbelieving.

Killian smiled at her, taking her hand in his free one and squeezing it. "I've been looking for something for a very long time, and if it wasn't for you I would never have found it. Believe me Emma, you saved me from myself, so I'm going to return the favour."

Emma looked at him, her eyes still filled with tears. "I'm so tired."

"I know," he said softly, sitting down beside her and pulling her closer to him. "try to rest, love. tomorrow everything will look better."

She didn't respond, only burring her face deeper in his chest. It felt good to have her in his arms. It felt like he could protect her this way against the world. He really wished he could protect her that well, but there was one demon she still had to face on her own before she could fully let him help her.

Herself.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. reviews are always welcome! :) they make me update quicker**


	8. Chapter 8

When Emma woke the next morning she didn't really feel better. The bright day light was hurting her eyes as she cracked them open, only to close them again. The darkness had left, but the light was still not fully excepting her. It sounded strange, but it was true. She may be freed from the darkness, but it was still pulling at her while the light was still fighting against her. The most horrible thing was, was that she didn't know what she wanted. Does she want to go back to the darkness? The loneliness? The coldness? Or does she want to fight against it and try to do the right thing?

All these thoughts gave her a painful headache, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't ignore them and fall asleep again. So instead, she wrung herself out of Killian's arms, who was still asleep, and made her way to her desk. Maybe she could distract herself with some reading.

Before she grabbed a book she glanced back at Killian, a small smile forming on her lips. It was sweet what he did last night, trying to calm her down, trying to convince her that he cared and that he forgave her.

It was sweet, but a lie.

She was a monster for so long, she didn't deserve forgiveness, especially not from him. Last night the darkness was playing with her head, her heart, her soul. His words were just what she needed to calm down, if he meant them or not didn't matter. But now that the sun is up again and the darkness had given her a break she could think clearly. Or, as clearly as an empty shell could.

Emma grabbed her favourite book, opening it on a random page and started reading. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't concentrate. The headache only seemed to get worse as the time went by. The words danced before her eyes as the light of day burned her. She closed the book again, closing her eyes as she let her head rest on her arms.

Everything that had happened was just too much.

She could still hear the screams echoing in her mind, see the blood drip form her fingernails, feel the pain under the palm of her hand. How could she ever have enjoyed this? The memories were so vivid, as if she was reliving the moment. It was horrible, everything she'd done, horrible.

Emma was snapped out of her memories when two hands came to rest on her shoulders. They were warm, gently, comforting. They were the hands of the person she needed to hold her, but also the hands of the one she had hurt so much. She just couldn't understand why he didn't end her right here and now. She was weak, unable to defend herself. And if she was completely honest, she wanted him to end her. It was the only thing she deserved. So before her mind caught up, her mouth voiced her thoughts.

"Kill me or leave," she said, her voice cold and empty. What else should be found in there? She was hollow, a shell. It was simple a reflection of how she was left in this world.

"I won't do either," Killian said softly, his thumbs rubbing small circled on her shoulders. "I know what you're feeling, and if you let me I can he-"

Emma slammed her hand on the table, standing abruptly. "You don't know what I'm feeling."

Killian stepped back as she turned, but her held his head high, his expression worried and gentle. "You feel alone-"

"I've felt alone for many years, all my life in fact. What I feel now isn't loneliness. I feel hollow, as if I'm nothing. Nothing but the screams and terrors I've created. So do you know? Do you know what it feels like to lose the thing that had been consuming you for as long as you can remember? Do you know what it feels like to hear and feel the agony of every person you've touched in your bones? Do you know what it's like to finally be free of a curse, but to be left so empty that you just don't know who you are anymore? Do you know? Because if you do, tell me; does the pain ever stop? Is there any hope for me left?"

Killian carefully dared a step forward. "There is always hope-"

"But what if it's the hope of me finally seeing my end? What if the hope that is left is the one that finally got me locked away or destroyed? No one will look at me as something more than a monster. All they see is a Cold Hearted Princess who becomes their Dark Souled Queen. No one will follow me out of their own will, only out of fear."

"Emma-"

"Don't call me that!" Emma was breathing heavily now, the anger spreading through her veins, because that was all she knew. It was the only thing familiar to her. "I'm not Emma, I'm not Princess, I'm nothing but a monster!"

Killian suddenly stepped forward, grabbing both her hands and looked her right in the eye. "You are not a monster. You are a creature send from the heavens but received by hell. Everything that happened to you wasn't something you could fight. But now you have a chance to start over, a chance to become who you really are. Don't throw away that chance just because it looks impossible in the beginning. Let go of the ugly duckling you've been hiding behind for so many years and show the world the swan you really are." Killian brought his hand up to cup her cheeks, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I won't call you Emma nor Princess, I shall call you White Swan, as a reminder to who you really are, to who you are fighting to be."

Emma closed her eyes, letting the words swim through her head as her breathing calmed. The only thing she could see right now where Killian bright blue eyes, the only things she could hear were his words echoing through the room, the only thing she could feel were his hands gently caressing her skin.

"Let's start over my White Swan, let's leave this place and start over."

"I- I can't." Emma's eyes were starting to fill with tears, her headache throbbing in the back of her head. "The kingdom, I can't leave it."

"Your parents-"

"I don't know who they are." Emma looked down, trying to blink away the tears as she took a deep breath, looking back up at Killian. "But I want to find them."

Killian nodded, smiling slightly. "Then we'll find them."

* * *

That day they spend preparing to leave. They kept the death of the queen a secret so no commotion would be made over the new ruler. Emma wasn't ready to rule now that she knew the truth about herself. She still felt empty, but she pushed that away as much as she could for now, and tried to focus on finding her real parents. She didn't know what she could tell them, what she could say to them to not fear her, to believe her. She didn't even know why she wanted to find them, probably just to keep her mind off of everything else. What use was it to find them? Was it just so she could hand the throne to them? So she was released of that burden for at least a few more years?

She didn't know. All she knew was that she had her pirate at her side for now, and that was enough to not kill herself. He was caring, gentle. He was what she needed, but just like everything that is needed; once you don't need it anymore, it will be thrown away or leave in its own.

She didn't want Killian to leave, but she knew he would at some point. Maybe this adventure to find her parents was to get at least some new people she could rely on when Killian left. Because that was all that she was good for now; relying on people. She was a real pain in the ass, she knew she was. Killian would probably leave one night when she was asleep, and if she was lucky he would kill her as well.

But for now she pushed those thoughts away, and tried to focus on finding her parents. Late that afternoon Emma and Killian were finally ready to leave the castle. Emma made her way to the stables where the stable boy had two horses ready to go. The stable boy was still young, about 15 years old. When Emma entered the boy immediately froze, straightening himself and making a bow.

"Your Highness, the horses are ready," the boy said, his voice wavering just a bit. Emma smiled at the boy. She never took the time to get to know this boy, to even learn his name.

"Thank you," she said, her voice soft. The boy looked up, surprise written over his face because of her soft tone. "What's your name, stable boy?"

"Henry, Your Highness," he said, relaxing a bit more.

"You are free for the day, Henry. Thank you for your hard work."

"It was my pleasure, Your Highness," Henry said and made a bow. She smiled as she watched the boy ran out of the stables.

"Ready to go, love?" Killian said as he entered the stables. Emma turned to him, the smile still on her lips.

"Yeah, I am."

Killian returned her smile, nodding as he took the reins of the horses and led them outside. He handed one of the horses to her. With a bit of hesitation she took the reins, and to her surprise the horse didn't neigh in fear or tried to run away from her. She laughed a bit as she stroked the soft nose of the creature. She'd never gone riding because the horses were always scared of her, of the darkness inside her. She had tried many times, but never did any of the horses want to get close enough to her so that she could ride them.

"Do you need some help?" Killian asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. Her cheeks warmed up a bit, she'd never needed help with anything before.

"I'm fine," she said, stepping toward the saddle. She looked at the leather as if it was some sort of puzzle. It shouldn't be that difficult. She put her left foot in one of the stirrups, placing both hand on either side of the saddle, and tried to pull herself up. She lost her balance at first, falling back and hitting the ground with her right foot. So she tried again, gripping the saddle tighter as she jumped a bit to get herself up. Halfway she felt two familiar hand grip her waist and push her up so that she was able to swing her leg over the horses back and sit down in the saddle.

Emma looked down as soon as she sat steadily, seeing Killian look up at her. "Have you ever been riding before?"

Emma shook her head, looking away from him and focussed on the horse she was sitting on. She softly stroked the soft fur of the animal. "They've always been scared of me."

"Just make sure you don't fall off, I'll lead." Killian walked back to his horse, mounting his horse almost elegantly if that was possible. He lead his horse closer to hers. Emma studied the way he held the reins and the way he moved his body as he led the horse forward. "Softly kick the horse with your calf and it should start to walk. To steer you simple pull at the rein in the direction you want to go. It's as simple as that."

Emma nodded, biting her lip as she tried to imitate the way Killian was holding the reins. She softly kicked the horse, just like Killian instructed her to do, and laughed when it started to walk. With a bright smile she tried to steer the horse. It was a bit clumsy and she still hadn't found her balance, but she was doing it never the less.

"I can ride," she said, smiling proudly at Killian.

"Very good," Killian said, smiling at her as he looked at her with adoration in his eyes. "Now turn and follow me."

She bit her lip as she did what he said. Emma came to ride beside Killian, and together they rode out of the palace gates into the woods ahead. Emma looked at Killian as they rode in silence, her smile turning softer. He was so sweet, even after all that she had done to him. But she wasn't naïve enough to believe that he actually cared. She had used him for her entertainment, it was only fair if he did the same to her.

He'll stab her right in the back, just you wait.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry that it took so long to update! I've been really busy with my other stories. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and followed and all that jazz, thank you so much! Hope you all liked this chapter, and if you did please let me know!**

 **Make sure to check out my story 'Cursed Them All' and of course all my other stories too!**


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